Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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