weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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