There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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