i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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