literally had 100 drinks last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
