Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
