his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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