You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
