you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
