You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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