Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
