I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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