I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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