ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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