I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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