Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
