Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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