I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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