just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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