He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
