Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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