My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
