as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
