I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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