Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
