onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
