I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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