..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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