she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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