I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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