You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.