we have pet lesbian snakes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.