Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid