: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM