she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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