don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
