whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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