'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
