I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
