if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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