i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
