dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
