I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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