All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
