I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
