oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
