You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
