We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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