I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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