theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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