he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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