The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize