YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
