He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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