Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
