Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
