drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
