I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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