great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
