My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize