you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
